So it’s been quite some time since I’ve written. So much has happened and there has been no time to document it all. I have had a great and uneventful pregnancy (thankfully) but as of my eighth month, I think I’m done. I’m exhausted and in pain all the time. The stretch marks are worse now than they were with DD. I can’t sleep (not surprising). I have muscle pulls everywhere and muscle cramps everywhere. The heartburn is now so bad that I’m on Zantac since Tums wasn’t doing it for me anymore. Luckily I don’t have the severe headaches I had with DD but I still have them on occasion. It’s hard to work in grade one when you feel devoid of all energy so I always feel like a bad teacher who is shortchanging my kids. Then I pick up my DD who is now 18 months old and I have no energy OR patience for her. So we both end some days in tears. I hate that I yell at her when she’s having a tantrum. I know better than that. So I feel like a bad mother. I’ve decided that without a doubt, to be a good mother I have to go to part time when I come back to school. I need to do better and I know that I can. Just not while being a full time teacher when the kids are so young.
On a high note, Sophie has been developing so much these days. Since her 17th month, she’s really developed her vocabulary. She started saying two word sentences as of her 18th month (hi dada, bye dada). She still LOVES the outdoors and says ‘side’ at every opportunity. She just wants to be out and about. Luckily, this week she’s started to wear her winter hat and mittens. But it was a struggle before that and our weather is getting colder each day. She is jumping (sort of) now and singing songs. She knows a lot of familiar songs (Twinkle, Twinkle, ABC, Baa Baa, Itsy Bitsy Spider, etc) and sings them with me and by herself. She also started counting (2, 3, 4) and saying the alphabet (A,B,C,D). It’s adorable! Unfortunately, with her cuteness comes her wickedness. She has these wicked temper tantrums! She screams, cries, throws things, and flings herself onto the floor. That cause mega problems at daycare one day. She had a fit and threw herself on the ground while holding the ECE workers hand and dislocated her elbow. Nobody realized that at the time and when I picked her up, all they said was that she was really cranky all afternoon. And she was! I couldn’t believe how much she cried when I put her coat on and off and took her in and out of the car. It was unreal. Then I realized when I watched her play with my DH that she wasn’t able to move her left arm. I freaked and called daycare just to find out again what happened. I thought she might have dislocated her shoulder. The ER would have taken forever and her doctor’s office was closed so we went to a walk in clinic nearby. He barely looked at her and said her shoulder was fine. He suggested that it was a muscle pull and we should medicate her for two days straight. So she didn’t sleep much that night (no kidding) and luckily her doctor was available Saturday morning. He diagnosed her elbow problem immediately and popped it back in. FYI it was called Nursemaid’s Elbow and it can happen so easily because the tendons aren’t strong enough yet. After her second birthday they get stronger and it shouldn’t happen anymore. I spoke with daycare and they felt badly. It really was nobody’s fault. But everyone has to be extra gentle with her arms now just in case. In that same week, she was bitten by two kids and had her head clonked twice pretty hard. October was a hard month!
Sophie’s stranger anxiety is at an all time high. She didn’t have her picture taken with daycare or for my maternity shots because new people scare her. Everything that caused high anxiety for her lately. She scared of baths every since she slipped in one (but didn’t fall). She doesn’t like the tv. Dark rooms scare her too. And she’s having bad dreams sometimes. I’m told it’s a phase she’ll outgrow. It all seems to be happening at the same time as her mommy-itis is getting worse. I think the baby coming is really dawning on her now. She doesn’t want to share her things with baby. If I put something away she screams ‘mine’ and takes it back. Today I had a gathering at my house with a baby there. She was so upset if I held him. She didn’t want to share her mommy, daddy or her toys. And she wanted to take his toys away from him too. We’re in for some trouble. I had a heart to heart with her while waiting for DH at the store. I told her how much we love her and that it wouldn’t ever change no matter what. She’ll always be our best girl. We’ll always have a special bond as my first born child. And yes things will change forever but we’ll get through it and find a new family way. Then I started to cry and she started laughing. 
DH came back and saw this. I told him it was a pregnancy moment. Sigh. She didn’t like Halloween because of the costumes and the many people ringing our doorbell. She went to two houses before freaking out and coming home. That wasn’t an easy night. Her transition to the new time change wasn’t too bad. After two hard days, she seem to figure things out.
I have three weeks left of school. I have just finished report cards and I have interviews coming up before I go. Plus I have to train the LTO. I also just had my evaluation done so that took a lot out of me too. I’m ready to be at home for a bit. I almost feel jealous of those royals from long ago who were confined to their room a month before going into labour. Almost I said. I will be taking two weeks off and I’m not sure if that is enough. I have huge concerns about this one coming early (DD was two weeks early). It will be as it will be. He’s far enough along that he’ll hopefully be ok. I’m just nervous about what time of the day I’ll go into labour as I don’t know exactly how my daughter will be (or where she’ll be). That part of it is getting me really nervous. My bag is packed and ready to go. The Braxton Hicks contractions are getting me ticked off at the moment. The baby’s room is getting there (but not quite). We still have a ways to go so I hope the little pea can bake for a few more weeks.
My elbow is popping, getting stuck (straight or bent) and killing me all day and night. I’m not sure if this is a pregnancy thing (relaxin loosening my joints). So we’ll see how things are a few weeks/months after baby is here. I might have to see the surgeon in the new year.
We had a busy weekend and I had to stay up late for the last two nights. Plus DD was up last night with a bad dream so I’m tired. I know there’s more to write, but I just can’t.
